Sure, I’ll meet with you

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In my ward, and perhaps the whole stake, the bishopric and stake presidency meet with a handful of members the week before ward conference. I’ve never been in a ward before that does this. They try to pick people from various demographics… active, inactive, single, married, kids, no kids, convert, etc. I’ve gotten called a couple times for this; I suppose because I’m in a spinster. Can one be a spinster as a divorcee? Sure, why not. No cats in this household though. 

I got a call earlier in the week from a counselor in the bishopric. I didn’t answer because it was a TX number and I’ve gotten calls before from TX numbers and weirdly, they are collect calls from inmates at assorted MN correctional facilities.  Seriously.  I listened to the voice mail and it’s this guy in the bishopric saying hey, ward conference is coming up and could you meet with us Thursday night? I called him back and got his voice mail. I left a message saying, “Hey, didn’t answer because I thought you were someone incarcerated and yes, I can meet with you but only if we meet right at 7 at the chapel cuz I’m going out later that night.” He called back and asked if I could bail him out of jail. hehehe

So last night I met with him and a counselor from the stake presidency. We chat back and forth a bit about the ward and callings (I don’t have one presently) and then the bishopric guy says he wants to end with a message. He said he shared some things about the church with a colleague and did so because the man had asked about his weekend. He said typically he’d be vague but he thought about the the question, “Are you honest in your dealings with your fellow man?” This prompted him to share information about stake conference. He then encouraged me to share the gospel when I had opportunities.

I replied that in the interest of being honest in kind, I don’t bring up the church with friends and neighbors because the majority are lgbt or supportive of lgbt equality and if the church comes up, I’m doing damage control because of prop 8 and the amendment here. That’s the extent of my missionary work – damage control. I’m saying, “Yeah, we’re not all like that.”  He said something to the effect of it being ok to maintain friendships with people whose views are different than ours.  I said, “To be clear, my views are the same as my friends, not the church. I’m here because I’m not a single issue churchgoer but it isn’t always easy.” The conversation wrapped up quickly after that, as it was intended to after his story anyway. Oh these poor guys. Then again, maybe they choose to meet with me for fodder to liven up their next correlation meeting. ;)

I am curious how often discontent with church actions comes up lately in interviews with leadership.  Earlier that day I was talking to a friend in AZ. She’s as devout as they come and was expressing frustration with the church’s involvement with City Creek Center in SLC.

I have to have a chuckle at myself writing this. I can imagine myself reading such a post nine years ago and commenting, “The church is not Burger King. You don’t get to have it your way. It’s not about what’s popular; it’s about what’s RIGHT.”  To think that I would write that, and surely did write similar comments on blogs back then makes me roll my eyes and thank goodness for the mercy of less judgmental friends who saw religion through a more nuanced lens and tolerated my rhetoric.

Solicited advice for a bishop

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A newly called bishop asked the following of a FB friend. That he asks at all indicates he’ll be compassionate. I have a newly called bishop myself. I doubt this was his query but ya never know. ;)

“I am very curious to know what advice those who have left the Church, are considering leaving the Church, or have struggled with the Church in some way, would have for a newly called Bishop. My goal is to be prepared to reach out and minister to those with whom I will come in contact with love and compassion. You have such a good network of people, I thought maybe you would be willing to post the question “what advice would you give to a newly called Bishop?”

This was my response:
Here’s my advice as someone who left the church officially – and came back officially 4 years later. That likely wouldn’t have happened if a bishop who was handling my faith issues poorly hadn’t been replaced by a good guy who got what I was going through.

  1. Don’t lie about the process if someone wants to resign. Don’t blow them off either. The decent bishop read me the process directly from the handbook.
  2. Be honest about what you don’t know or agree with. It’s ok to say, “I don’t understand/agree with ____ too.” It makes it a lot easier to go to church knowing your bishop isn’t a devout robot who toes the party line no matter what.
  3. Tell them they are always welcome. Always.
  4. Don’t send members or missionaries over who don’t personally have a relationship with them if they’ve asked to not be visited. Ask them if it is ok if you email or call now and then.
  5. Do tell them it is ok to have doubts. Mother Teresa doubted the very existence of God for decades.
  6. Treat them with sincerity.

I added the following in a separate comment:
One more thing: Any time someone is going through a difficult time about faith or anything else – DON’T say “Endure to the end” and tell a story about Mormon pioneers.

Out of Egypt

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I’ve been watching a series on Netflix instant called “Out of Egypt with Kara Cooney.” Dr. Cooney is a professor of Egyptian Art and Architecture. In the series she explores several human behaviors, particularly as they relate to ritual, in Egypt and around the world.

The overarching theme to me is how similar they are regardless of era or location. Whether by biology or something supernatural, every culture develops rituals and religions to answer questions about our existence and cope with life and loss. Mythology is important to the human experience, that seems clear.

A clip from the show…

Watch other clips from the series.

The more I have learned about the different cultures throughout history, the more it reinforces my own move from a black and white belief system to recognizing the allegorical nature of scriptures and the many, many shades of gray in spirituality.

Tolerate intolerance…why?

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Our stake was reorganized the weekend before last. I missed about 40 minutes of stake conference on Sunday but Saturday night was great, notably the talks from Craig C. Christiansen of the seventy and Brent J. Hillier of the area seventy.

The first talk given on Saturday night, however, included an attack on gay marriage cloaked in the usual “we’re the ones being attacked because our intolerance isn’t tolerated” rhetoric. That talk was given by a man who was sustained the following day as our new stake president.I like this guy. It’s always so disappointing to hear this stuff from people I respect.

The portion of his talk directed at gay marriage referred to the letter read in Minnesota wards earlier this year. He said our values are under attack and it seems that nothing less than acceptance of homosexual marriage is tolerated. He said that we should love our homosexual family and they are welcome, “… but the church will not endorse or embrace homosexual behavior or same sex marriage.”

Of course they won’t. Just like they wouldn’t support civil rights and the priesthood for blacks. Until they did. Or the ERA for women until they di- oh wait, never mind.

The church can be as exclusionary as they want. The church has a lot of senseless beliefs as religions are wont to do. Maybe they’ll evolve. Maybe they won’t. What I take issue with is pushing those senseless restrictions on others.

When I started this post I had a lengthy dissertation refuting the usual reasons people give for being against gay marriage in general and homosexuality in particular.

Then the big announcement came from Obama and the comedic pundits articulated it far better than I could.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Barack Obama’s Gay Blasphemy
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Lord of the Rings
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

Obama on ABC

I do support families – ALL FAMILIES – and that is why I will be voting NO next November on the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in Minnesota.

Minnesotans United For All Families

Changing of the guard

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We got a new bishopric last weekend. The new one is fairly new to the ward. I don’t know a thing about him. I like his counselors so that’s a plus. I’m sad to see the bishop released because he’s been so understanding about where I’m at and where I’ve been. We get a new stake presidency this weekend. I could speculate… it would be nice if he was called. But I’m sure his wife would beg to differ after 6+ years of him being a bishop. Elder Craig C. Christensen of the Seventy and by Elder Brent J. Hillier of the Area Seventy will be here for stake conf. I may try to hit the Saturday night session (always the best one, imo) but I don’t know about Sunday. I’ve got finals this coming week. I’ll get another post that’s been languishing in the draft folder up after that.

That shared illusion

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I’ve got some draft posts in the hopper.  I’ve also got 4 weeks left of classes, a mountain of photos still left to edit from last month’s vacation, and cleaning. Then there’s that 50+ hours a week job. Ah but employment is good. :) More posts to come.

When I haven’t been working & doing homework, I’ve been watching Netflix. I started the series Bones recently.  This post is to share a line from Season 4 Episode 7.

At the start of the episode, a body is found of a transgendered pastor. Dr. Brennan asked one of the church members what will happen to their church now. The congregant was not confident they’ll survive without her. Ever the highly logical pragmatist, Bones replied,

“Why? You’re a community of people with a common superstition. That shared illusion should be enough to bind you.”

In one sense, she’s right, of course. Though I prefer the shared goals of service over illusion in a spiritual community. Anyway, I busted out laughing at the line.

Resurrecting oneself

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It’s Easter, I got the requisite “He is risen!” email from my Lutheran mom this morning. I didn’t reply with “He is risen, indeed!” yet. But I will. I’m dutiful like that. I’m sure missing her deviled eggs and ham today.

I started my Lent at Hennepin Ave UMC on Ash Wednesday. I expected to end it there this morning at the sunrise service. A heavy dose of caffeine at 10 last night nixed that. Oops. I did go to the noon Holy Thursday service so that’s something, I guess. I thought about going to my LDS ward today and even got a skirt on. Then I decided to skip it in favor of getting some more stuff done around my place. Honestly, a holiday service is more appealing to me at a Protestant church. That’s why I go to the Methodist one in my ‘hood most holidays.

Anyway…

I fell flat on my plan to spend Lent being more focused and mindful. My overall plan for this year, which I dubbed “the year of living radically,” hasn’t been an epic success. That I keep trying is radical in and of itself I suppose. I’ve a tendency to bail and deem things futile after a couple false starts. There’s been a lot of reflection and that’s been helpful. And so… we start anew. Fitting for Easter weekend.

I like the idea of a resurrection but I can’t buy into it literally. I do appreciate it metaphorically. It took a long time to get to that point. At a distance it seems crazy to have ever believed in the atonement, the need for a savior. We need to save ourselves – usually from ourselves. Heh. It’s true. As a parable, so much of the ministry of Jesus works… guideposts for skillful and harmonious living. The resurrection, that can be a metaphor for us beginning again. Letting the past die and starting fresh yet keeping the lessons we learned. That makes sense to me.

Life throws another curve ball

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My ex-father-in-law died. I heard this was coming last week & reached out to my ex via email. He, like me, is an only child. He lost his mother a couple years ago and I felt bad for him. I knew they were his primary support system. He lost a lot of friends when our marriage ended as details came out about his double life, addictions, and arrest.

When I read his father’s obit, I was discovered my ex got remarried. I was floored. This woman is either really damaged or staggeringly magnanimous and codependent. Or he miraculously overcame addictions and impulses that most psychologists agree are nearly impossible to cure.

I forgave him a long time ago. But there’s some lines you don’t cross which is why I had to go. It was a relief when his actions were so reprehensible I could finally walk away and not wonder if it was the right decision. That is the real challenge in a faltering marriage – when to leave. My bishop counseled me repeatedly to stay. I’d made covenants, he was so fond of reminding me.

Sidenote: This same bishop, I learned, counseled a woman to stay married to her husband who had an affair with a man. Dutifully, she stayed. They eventually had children. Since then he’s been arrested, engaged in dangerous activities that put his health as well as hers in jeopardy, and has ran up debt like a bat out of hell trying to find happiness. (I did the same, as far as debt goes. That does not work.) I feel bad for that guy because he grew up in an era and culture that pushed him towards heterosexual marriage. But at some point you have to own who you are and release those around you from living a lie as well as yourself. That marriage is ending but not because he is being honest. He’s still on the DL. I can’t imagine how hard it is for him. But damn, it’s hard for her, too. As a society, we need to stop invalidating homosexual relationships because this is the sad fallout.

Back to the ex, discovering he remarried (and now has a step-child) sent me into an anxiety attack. All this stress was resurrected. I was torn between hoping he’d gotten his problems straightened out and thinking about the likely dysfunctional mess of it all. And then there was the rush of negativity it brought back for me. Such hard times… I’m so glad for where I’m at now but I never would have chosen the journey. Damn. I recognize that it is my own strains of codependency that contribute to my anxiety and I am reminding myself that these problems are not mine. It’s time for some meditation.

Strange Currency

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When I was in high school, my American Government teacher gave an object lesson that taught me more than I realized at the time. He asked if anyone had a ten dollar bill. One kid raised his hand. Mr. K pulled a one dollar bill out of his wallet and said, “I’ll trade you.” We all laughed, especially the kid with ten dollars who declined the offer. Mr. K said, “Why not? The student said, “It’s not worth as much.” Mr K replied, “It’s the same size. It’s made out of the same material. Why is yours worth more?” After a long pause, the student said, “It just is. The government says so.”

Eventually we were able to understand Mr. K’s point and the purpose of that day’s lesson. Money has value because we ascribe it value. We choose to put faith in that system.  He pointed out that other countries and cultures use different items for currency. He said sometimes people think of cultures which use beads or trinkets for currency are primitive by comparison but it isn’t any different than what we do.

He also showed us that value we assign to currency can change. This was the last decade of the cold war. We had seen movies like “The Day After”, “WarGames”, and “Red Dawn.” He asked if there was a war and the stores were closed, would you sell someone food you had for money? Of course we wouldn’t. Food would be worth more. You could eat a dollar bill but it wouldn’t quite benefit you the same as a can of beans would.

Does this mean we should abandon our currency? There are fairer systems of bartering but that’s a whole other topic. No, I share this lesson because it relates to spiritual faith.

Hebrews 11:1 used to be a favorite verse of mine. Below is the King James Version. Check out other translations.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

I view this verse with ambivalence now. I have faith in some things but not because of any evidence. I think faith can serve a purpose – and prefer when it is an altruistic one versus oppressive.

Religion I see now through that same prism as currency. Its value is derived because of our decision to ascribe value to it. It has none in and of itself and none is superior to another. Sometimes, its value changes. Beliefs that served us well at one time no longer do. New beliefs replace the old based on our experiences and awareness.  Having the flexibility to recognize and appreciate the uncertainty of life has allowed me to have a truce with faith.

 

Trust No One

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I’ve been watching the X-Files on Netflix. I watched an episode here and there when it was originally airing but I was not a regular viewer.

Cigarette-Smoking Man aka Cancer Man reminds me of a church leader. Lose the smokes and I could totally see him as a stake prez or mission prez. He looks a tad dour to be a GA but then again, maybe not.

When I watched “Talitha Cumi,” the finale for season 3, this bit of dialogue (source) between him and Jeremiah Smith stood out.

CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: We give them happiness, and they give us authority.

SMITH: The authority to take away their freedom in the guise of democracy.

CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: Men can never be free, because they’re weak, corrupt, worthless and restless. The people believe in authority, they’ve grown tired of waiting for miracle or mystery. Science is their religion, no greater explanation exists for them. They must never believe any differently if the project is to go forward.

This deference to authority is played out in some (ok, many) quarters at church. We are told we have our agency but it is a specious point when contrasted with the loud drumbeat to follow the prophet no matter what. I’d bring up the parallels between the fictional character who seeks to hide history from the public and leaders who do the same but that’s starkly obvious, isn’t it? :D

And yet, in spite of everything I know, like Mulder, “I want to believe.”